apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
