i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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