My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
