Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
