if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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