I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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