Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
