I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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