nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
