he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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