Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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