he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
