Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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