I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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