You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
