Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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