He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
