Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
