Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
