My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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