sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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