Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
