I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
