yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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