If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
