we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
