Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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