You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Please, let me fuck your mom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She told me I should be a condom model.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
