U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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