I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
