Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
