she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
