dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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