I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
