how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
