If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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