Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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