Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
