Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
