At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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