Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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