I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.