Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration