Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING