plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
