No, you can still breathe under the balls.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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