i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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