so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
