I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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