He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
