I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize