Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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