Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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