Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
