you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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