U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
