Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize