fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
