It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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