I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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You have to summon your inner elephant
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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