After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize