then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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