it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
