I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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