I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
